easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
