Having a random hookup so left but love u
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
