The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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