Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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