I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
