apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
