shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
