Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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