Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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