I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
