Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
