I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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