perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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