When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
