So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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