there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
