Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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