You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
