Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
