You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
