You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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