so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
