OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
