it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
