Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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