I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
