Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize