where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
