but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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