Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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