Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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