Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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