i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
