Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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