hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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