Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Randomize
