Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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