Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
