dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
