he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
