see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
