Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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