dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
