Your face is a jimmy john
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
