It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
