JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
