and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Ketchup is God's man juice
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
