i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
