party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
