Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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