WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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