I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
