i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
