He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
