if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
