living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
send nudes
from the living room?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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