This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
