My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
