He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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