Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize